Monday, August 3, 2009

Sex Em', but Don't Kiss Em'


So is kissing still alive? Is it still considered a possible precursor to sex? A lot of men and women have adapted a no kiss rule unless they are involved in serious relationships. Other than the obvious concerns about mouth sores, when did the disdain over kissing become so strong?? In high school kissing was my sh!t. I had the joint mastered and perfected to a ‘T’, I knew if I kissed her I was at least going to feel a titty. That’s just how powerful my lip game was. Now it’s like if you try to kiss someone you’ve ruined the atmosphere. Completely sucked the lust out the room.

The worst is trying to go in for the kiss and the person either jumps out the way or damn near breaks their neck trying to avoid your lips. And then there’s the awkward pause afterwards followed by the inevitable “I’m not really into the whole kissing thing” speech. Years ago when I was still out there like that, I experienced being on both ends of the spectrum. Somewhere along the way I realized that kissing was no longer THE move, I too adapted a dislike for kissing.

As the one trying to go in for the kiss I found it hard to bounce back and find my sexy once my kiss attempt was rejected. Kissing was my go to move, my best offensive weapon at one point. So if my try was shut down, I didn’t really have a back up plan. I was kinda stuck on an island because I was never too fond of kissing necks (and the ear thing kinda grossed me out too). I mean I wasn’t out there kissing any and every old jawn, but coming up that’s what I practiced on (don’t act like you never hit the back of your hand up either nigga!). I even asked a couple of older girls to kiss me and tell me how good I was or what I needed to work on. It was THAT important to me.

Then in college, probably about halfway through freshman year, I realized that I too had adopted a no kiss law. I would damn near hop out of a bed/car (this was freshman year, things could get freaky) to avoid lips. I remember me and a couple of my boys exchanging stories “Man, do you know this chick tried to KISS me?” we would say, as if she had tried to bite a hole in our throats. It seemed like in college people just got sloppy with the kissing, maybe it was due to the fact that alcohol was now in the picture, but it was just a turn off. When I felt like someone was leaning in to kiss me I’d turn my head so they got my neck only, then I’d act is if I liked it. Truthfully in my head I was wishing I could just fast forward to the part right BEFORE… you know… But I couldn’t so I had to just sit there and let my neck be lathered up with saliva. Gross.

Yea, once I got to college people just didn’t take the art as serious anymore. They’d either have WAY too much spit in their mouth or lick their lips too wet or worse, their lips would be cracked and dry. Then you had those who started trying this new freaky type of kiss where they would bite your lips. I mean I’m all for growth and development and trying something new, but the whole chomping on my lips thing just WAS NOT sexy. I faked it a couple times, acted like I liked it, but truthfully I thought it was just ass and painful. Maybe there was ONE girl who did it and I enjoyed, but other than that, negative. Also, women started applying too much damn lip-gloss. FYI ladies, MAC lip-gloss is WAY too sticky to be trying to kiss with. Like… ilk… you’re better off just getting Balmex or some sort of flavored balm. It may be nice in the club or for pictures, but if you think you’re going to end up kissing, have a backup lip gloss more conducive with lip locking than Mac.

Obviously kissing is VERY intimate, it’s extremely up close and personal. Throw in the times when you lock eyes and you have moments when you can literally see someone’s soul, face to face. For some it’s too intimate though. I asked my homegirl just like night how she felt about kissing and this is what she said: “…yea man, cant go around kissing everyone you sexin’”. I was shocked that she said it because she’s so not the whorish type at all. And it got me to thinking if even women like her aren’t down, then kissing is dead!

But the ones who like it, love it. And the ones who don’t like it, would rather be shot than participate. It just sounds crazy to me that people are perfectly fine having sex with someone, but not kissing. I don’t know if that says kissing is that disgusting or sex is that casual (probably a combo of the two). I’m still stuck somewhere in the middle on it. It has to be the right person, right time and I would have to KNOW you, and WELL. I need feedback on this one though: Kissing, yes or no? Why or why not? Comment Below.

33 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Kissing is amazing when you don’t abuse it. Its when your in the club dancing and having a good time, and maybe you spent half a song chatting with this particular person, and before you know it your getting targeted and attacked by wet lips and tart/alcohol soaked/ all day breath. I mean back in high school it wasn’t too bad but College, hell no, once you truly see how everyone is messing with each other you cant help but say in your mind, "If he is trying to tongue me down like this, imagine how many other girls spit he tasted".

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  3. I'm just like you dog, kissing used to be my main move. My lip game is still tight as hell but you right people have lost their way. I don't go around just making out with any old shrew even though I might want to. You have to careful these days. Believe it or not but now that people don't feel the same passion about kissing my new move is cuddling. Ya know lots of touching and fondling but not much kissing. Strange but now we skip first base altogether and head straight for home.

    By the way found this site as a link on Dime Mag comments. Glad I checked it out. Some real talk going on here. Funny and informative. Keep it up. Peace.

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  5. I think the whole "can't kiss everyone you sexin," thing is a bit backwards(personally). Yes, kissing is intimate, but what can be more inimate than having someone inside your body? I have never been faced with the situation, but I'm pretty sure it would be an ABSOLUTE deal breaker if I was getting ready to have relations with someone and they acted like they didn't want to kiss me!! Like WHAT???? What does that say about how you think of me? GAME OVER!

    I do agree that it is a little gross to just be going around kissing everyone in the mouth. I've always been very very selective about ALL THINGS INITMATE. With that said, if I feel like I can't even kiss you, why the hell would I want to have sex with you!! But on the flip side, I do agree that people have gotten sloppy with it, so I can understand if you are really into a person and the relationship is on "that" level, but they just aren't that good of a kisser so you just would rather not partake. Bad kissing CAN be a mood killer! lol But the whole notion of "you're not good enough to kiss but you're good enough to sex," from a female perspective is ass backwards to me.(I dnt knock anyones views however)

    I'm interested in more feedback on this.

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  6. I think this article is very funny, interesting to say the least and well put. Me, I feel that kissing is a very intimate ordeal, so i cant imagine HAVING sex with someone and NOT being able to kiss them. It just doesnt make sense to me. If a person isnt worth kissing...then they're most likely NOT someone you should be sleepin with

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  7. AMEN TO JAZZ!!!! ABSOULTELY...(IS THIS AKA NICOLE WALLACE??)

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  8. I, personally, was never 2 fond of kissing cause sumtimes guys wanna suck ur damn face off, feeling like its a dog or sumtin slobbering on u...idk...but i agree with the fact that u can't just be kissing anyone..its very personal and upclose, its just gotta be the right person. Can't just be anyone!!!

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  9. Who is Dreeze and how do you know Nicole Wallace? LOL

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  11. I've long believed kissing was way more intimate than sexing. For me its really the spit swap that takes it to a different place. I HATE SPIT! And I find a lot of women do not have proper spit control. As a crafty man Ive mastered the 45 degree face change. Just as she goes to kiss you rotate your head 45 degrees and she catches the area right next to your mouth. Try it.

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  12. kissing is very intimate. If you cannot kiss, that is a major turn off.

    But, In today's day and age, sex is casual and the "cant be kissin everyone your sexin" rule definitely applies. Dudes definitely dont be tryna kiss a chick they just tryna ..you know.. and if you are that chick, well that just goes to show how he feels about you *shrug*...

    some girls dont like kissing either but thats probably because they cant ..lol

    I've never heard one of my friends or any female for that matter say..."you know he tried to kiss me ..ugh" lol .. I mean IDK... lol

    but yeah kissing definitely was the shit before everyone figured out what to do with their private parts.. and how to put them to use...lol.

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  13. There is probably NOTHING more intimate than kissing. And, if that isn't enough, the sensory equivalent of an atom bomb going off in your body. During a kiss, you can identify the health and fertility of a partner. Kissing IS the bomb. I love kissing, but have discovered that somewhere along the way, the whore's no-kiss policy has entered the mainstream. I do not know why.

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  14. I agree with Jazz she could not have said it any better...to me that goes to show how whorish ppl are these days...tho kissing is VERY intimate...i don't think it's more intimate than sex...I know ppl try to make it more intimate than sex but its not...it's like, and this may be a little graphic to some, but you'd rather swap juices down there than swap spit??? come on son! and I know someone is thinking "well if you use a condom you're not touching anything" NEGATIVE!! It is still skin to skin contact and some of yall don't use protection with every random girl/guy yall smashin *dry heave*...the way ppl's thought processes are so backwards makes me understand why the STD rate is so high...tisk tisk...

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  15. so if someones sexual preference to kissing and sex is not like yours we are whores lol thats funny. your way more likely to catch herpes of the mouth than a std on your genitals
    WOW

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  16. Herpes of the mouth is not an STD (it can be transferred by lip sticks, air, kisses, etc), and while it is uncomfortable, it doesn't affect the reproductive organs or the life of an unborn child if left untreated. People find funny ways to excuse whorish behavior..
    Kissing is by no means more intimate than sex

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  17. I really like this article...blog...whatever. it gave me a lot of insight. I stumbled across it laying in bed thinking about this guy that I really like. He told me that he doesn't like to kiss, but to get me there...you know what there is...I like to kiss. However, with him...I understand. He actually kissed me though. We peck, but I think it says a lot. We haven't had sex and I don't plan on it, because I just got out of a long fucked up relationship. While I digress...I can totally understand the no kissing thing. I will take my pecks and see where we go. When we get comfortable enough to "swap spit" lol...maybe I will be ready to take the next step.

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  18. I thought i was the only one out there regarding this issue, i thought that kissing was just a dating ect, I was wrong I have a man that does everything but that is this normal? confusssed

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  19. im having sex with this girl who i've known for years,we screwed around before & it included kissing.
    we are much closer now but now no kissing,she thinks its more intimate than sex? Ive only herd that from porn stars & hookers.
    dont like it one bit but i really care for her so im trying to be understanding & when I said something it got heated but next night she kissed me once said it was how she feels?

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  20. There is no way kissing is more intimate than sex. I agree,a no kissing policy is whores gone mainsteam. A good kiss is good foreplay rather than some guy ripping your clothes off and going straight to getting it in. I think overall, why would you not kiss the person you care for? If they suck, i totally understand, however sometimes if there is communication, practice can make perfect. Society is backwards. People are concerned about mouth sores because they can be seen whereas on your coochy, not seen by the public. That doesnt make it better! Think of this...people wont kiss but they do oral, what is that? Is that more intimate? Not safe either. Bottom line is there is no love in this world and intimacy of kissing which expresses love is just too much.

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  21. I'm dating someone now who gave me the best kiss of my life! I just knew I wanted to be with him, almost gave it up the first night. As the days went on, he kiss me less and less. I asked him about it and he said he needs to be in the mood for it. To me kissing is a must to get the best sexual side of me unfortunately, I see this ancient and most erotic practice vanishing, what a shame!

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  22. Kissing is not really my thing, tonguing anyway. Pecking is not a problem but people don't even want to do that. Kissing before, while having sex gets me in the mood. Kissing goes with everything else.

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  23. I love kissing, I think kissing is what can make or break a relationship... It's like theses days a guy wouldn't kiss you or let it be known that they don't like kissing but expect to get some head from you and aren't afraid of asking for it; thats crazy to me how bout you?!? If we can't kiss then you're dismissed!!

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    1. Lol good point. This is a very complicated topic!

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  24. Wow!! So many true to the bones comments here! I am all in for kissing... Good kissing that is. And how do you know it is a good kissing? Well: You want more and never doubt about kissing that person again. Sometimes you just hit it off - and other times you try to compare kisses and therefore the 2nd,3rd,4th ... person(s) do not fulfill it well - but it does not mean they are bad kissers... Unless, they leave/transfer too much saliva in your mouth, then EWWWWWW grows... No doubt!
    But me too, recently seeing a guy (who apparently is very protective of himself or lost in time!) who kissed me like crazy (and great kissing technique too) for about 4-6 weeks, and then, like a couple of you mentioned: He started turning his head ("45 degree angle": Thank you, genius!!) and that not only turned me off instantly, but also gave me a feeling of "disgustness" towards myself. I thought I was disgusting to him: When I asked, he said that was not the case and he never meant to make me feel that way... So, what was it then?? Well, got no answer on that one! But he was such a great kisser; maybe I was the bad one!! But he wouldn't tell me that either!
    Someone else said about guys letting you give them a head but avoided kissing you! That is totally unfair: Agree! No kissing, no oral sex! "What part of my mouth you don't like again??" But sometimes we just go along with it because the person means a lot to you... However, in all, it looks like there is not much left there to share! Sex may not be a regular thing, as time goes by... Hugging/cuddling is absolutely amazing and great... But without a kiss here and there, it can become awkward!
    Kissing is extremely intimate, perhaps just a notch down from having an intercourse! And so very important and complementary (not complimentary!) to having sex, and turning a girl on (but you need to make sure she really enjoys the kissing too!) It is a must for me... Unfortunately, like this blog/post started: Is kissing becoming part of the past??? I am afraid you may be right! My two boyfriends (Long terms relationships, and got asked to marry one of them) were not into the whole kissing thing: One of them even asked me to marry him. Sad, sad... Kissing is passion, is caring, is loving, is showing things you cannot say in words; kissing is for anytime, no restriction - whenever you feel like... And it is a free gift, guys! Don't stop the trend!

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  25. Gotta say this is a pretty interesting read.. i've lived all over the world and dated different races but i feel like black males dont want to kiss as much as other races..(which sucks cuz nothing nicer than kissing those thick lips) but i feel myself getting shot down..just like yall saying..turn the head and get the neck instead or like..give just a quick peck and then they move on.. if you wanna turn me on all you have to do is give me a good kiss and i'm ready to go.. you wonder why im not all excited..well you gotta kiss me before you touch me or i wont get excited! probably save alot of money on lube if you kissed the ladies properly..just sayin :D

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  26. Wow all this reading was very interesting. I have a friend I've known for years and one day we're hanging out at his place watching movies and drinking. Before you knew it, it led to some hot sex. Know that I think back the kissing was very minimal right from the start. I happen to love kissing, it's such a turn on like great forplay. I've always been told by all my ex's that I'm one of the best kissers they've had, so it's something I'm very proud of. A few mths into it he told me he doesn't like kissing … which completely blew my mind! I'm very much into heygiene and I expect the same from the man, so no problem there. He loves cuddling before and after sex and he likes me to stroke and caress his face constantly, he says it builds intimacy. This has been going on for about a year now, but part of me wants to call it quits. When I see a great kissing scene in a movie I catch myself wanting it so bad. Kissing is such an important part to me … do I settle for good company, sex and intimacy of caressing and risk not being kissed again? Is it time to part ways? I feel that I might be missing out on a great kisser .... =(

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  27. this crap just happened to me.. instead of a small kiss, he wanted a hug and would not get out my car until he got a hug. been talking to him for a while. he'll drown my damn neck during sex though. we act like a damn couple, haven't established it though. i haven't asked him for anything but when I did he said he couldn't give me a kiss cause he don't like it. I didn't want a damn water show in my mouth but a simple peek on the cheek would have been just fine. i don't know. don't know what to do?

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    1. Sorry i wanted to reply to your comnent but somehow i got it reposted abd idk how to delete it lol so dont get offended. But what you said makes a lot of sense. The way i see it, he might really be into you tho he dont like kissing. I think long hugs too can show that someone really likes you close so thats a good sign. Not wanting to kiss on the lips is something many ppl are into these days both guys and girls and seems like its not gonna change any time soon so i guess we just gotta get used to it lol.

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  28. this crap just happened to me.. instead of a small kiss, he wanted a hug and would not get out my car until he got a hug. been talking to him for a while. he'll drown my damn neck during sex though. we act like a damn couple, haven't established it though. i haven't asked him for anything but when I did he said he couldn't give me a kiss cause he don't like it. I didn't want a damn water show in my mouth but a simple peek on the cheek would have been just fine. i don't know. don't know what to do?Reply

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