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Saturday, December 20, 2008
Body language part 1 - Attract Women
People are active, and ever-changing. In fact, we are NEVER the same as we were in the past. Those changes show up in our body language, but that doesn’t mean we should ditch control.
If so, we wouldn’t trouble with school, riding a bike and everyone would still be a virgin. After all, we were all virgins once, weren’t we?
Look, there’s a difference between being UNAWARE of something, and being INDIFFERENT. Unaware just means we don’t know what we’re doing with ourselves. Ignorance may be bliss, but it’s not useful.
Indifference is when you know what’s going on, but you decide to ignore it. WRONG! Where’s that hand!
You can’t be passive all your life and expect things to come to you. The planet doesn’t work that way (my apologies to all silver-spooners I’ve offended with this blanket statement that only applies to 100% of all living things, rounded to the closest .00000001).
You need to be ACTIVE. You need to TAKE CHARGE of your life, and that means taking an energetic role in the changes that happen to you.
They’re coming either way. Personally, I’d rather have a vote.
So no whining about the walk you’ve developed and how that represents YOU as you are now. If that walk doesn’t work, kill it. Time to get a better one.
And there’s an additional benefit beyond the initial differences that changing your body language communicates to the outside world.
It also can change your central one. That’s right, we’re going to attack confidence both ways, coming and going.
Seriously, this works. The Japanese have long held the belief that a messy home leads to a cluttered mind, and a clean one, a clear one. The outer world touches our inner one, and when you change the way you move, you also change the way you think.
Don’t believe me? Try it. Pick a wall and stand up straight against it. Your feet, butt, shoulders, and head should all touch the wall, exerting about the same amount of pressure (no smooshing). Now walk away from the wall, but hold the pose for 5 minutes.
How do you feel? Right, like someone stuck a rod up your ass. Just what we were going for.
It’s going to feel weird for awhile, because it’s different and new. Keep going, though, and eventually it won’t feel odd. In fact, it’ll start to feel GOOD. You’ll find yourself with this new CONFIDENCE that wasn’t there before and doesn’t seem to have much of an explanation. It’s not your inner exercises – you’ll get to know that sensation. It’s… nothing.
Except that you are standing like you are confident. Cause and affect get blurred, and you wind up FEELING a certain way just because you are ACTING that way.
Either way, you look better standing straight, and you project confidence to all comers. Women find you more attractive, even if they aren’t self-aware enough to know why. Co-workers and those around you often might note that you seem… DIFFERENT.
Congratulations young Jedi, you’re on your way.
Standing up straight is about as basic as it comes, but non-verbal communication goes much deeper.
When you walk and lead with your head, not only are you hunching and sending out uncomfortable self-conscious shrinking vibes, but you’re also telling people that you have a tendency to THINK a lot. Maybe more than you should.
Lead with your stomach, it speaks to your appetites and emotions.
Lead with your pelvis, and it says you are sexually qualified, experienced, and confident.
This might sound like a lot of crap, but try it. Walk around for awhile leading with different parts of your body, and become aware of the changes that happen in your head. It’s real, VERY real. And there’s no reason bad chairs in abandoned classrooms should have more of a say about how you feel than you do.
Those nervous tics, those fidgety hands? Lose ‘em. Every button you finger while talking to someone – especially an attractive woman who’s trying to make a snap judgment about you – is a negative. Every fast surprising motion says you have low self-esteem – it’s like you have to get it done before some stronger guy comes along to stop you.
It’s like the beta wolves trying to feed before the alpha wakes up and wants more – complete with herky-jerky looks to verify for his approach. This instinct runs deep.
When you make eye-contact and drop it first. Oh god no. In our part of the animal kingdom, this is strong supplicating behavior. There are monkeys which tear the arms off other animals – as well as humans – if they don’t drop gaze first.
So if you are looking at a woman and look away before she does? You’ve just said she’s in control, and her chances of becoming attracted to you pretty much disappear.
That’s not to say you stare from a far distance. That’s stalker behavior – when far enough away betas get bolder – and she’ll believe your a freak. This is about close quarters, the moment before a conversation starts.
Crossing your arms? Stop that. You’re telling everyone to stay far away from you, so don’t be surprised when they do.
Leaning in to your target? Why not just say “I want to have sex with you.” That’s precisely what you’re doing, and most guys do it so early that it’s a major turn-off (unlike once she’s primed, in which case it can start speeding things up).
Standing in her personal space (which for most people is about 18 inches to 3 feet away)? You’re triggering her to run away, which is NOT a feeling you want linked with you. Standing right on the border of her personal space? This can be golden if you do it right, creating a positive tension in her mind although she probably won’t know what from. Much like really needing to piss can lead to a boner, this strain can become sexual.
Standing well outside her personal space and not directing your body at her, remaining somewhat detached? Now that’s good – she’s going to want to know why she doesn’t have your consideration, and might start working to get YOUR approval. Don’tcha love that?
There are thousands of little cues we give off to each other, and the BEST way to learn them is to see them in action. Go out and find some guys doing well with the ladies. Watch them; see what they’re doing with the way they hold themselves, and what responses they are getting. If you think you’ve identified a non-verbal communication that signals confidence or sexual prowess or just universal alpha-ness, go practice it. Try it out. Odds are you won’t get it the first time, but don’t let that discourage you. There is no better way.
BODY LANGUAGE1. Gauge how close someone is to you. The closer they are, the warmer their opinions are of you. The farther away that someone is, the less they care. It is worth noting that personal space is culturally fluid: be aware that what is close in one country is far away in another.
2. Watch their head position.
* Overly tilted heads are a potential sign of sympathy. Alternatively the person is trying to convince you of their honesty.
* Lowered heads indicate a reason to hide something. Take note if someone lowers their head. If it is when he is complimented, he may be shy, ashamed, timid, keeping distance from the other person, in disbelief, or thinking to himself. If it is after an explanation, then he may be unsure if what he said was correct.
3. It should be noted that some cultures see this as a sign of respect.
* Cocked heads mean that they are confused or challenging you, depending on eye, eyebrow, and mouth gestures.
4. Look into their eyes.
* Liars will consecutively look at you and look away a number of times. You can actually learn specifically how to observe behavior to judge whether someone's lying.
* People who look away while supposedly listening to you are thinking about something else. This is why when you are talking to a group of people, if an item in conversation strikes the one looking away, they will ask for you to repeat the story.
* Some cultures believe that looking at someone in the eyes is a sign of disrespect.
* Auditory learners may look from side-to-side and repeat phrases in an effort to retain information.
5. See if they're mirroring you. Mirroring is another common gesture. If someone mirrors, or mimics your appearance, this is a very genuine sign that they are interested in you.
6. Check their arms.
* People with crossed arms are closing themselves to social influence. The worst thing that you can do to people with crossed arms is to challenge them in one way or another, no matter how they react. This annoys them. Though some people just cross their arms as a habit, they're (slightly) reserved, they're uncomfortable with their weight (therefor trying to hide it), or they're just trying to hide something on their shirt.
* If someone rests their arms behind their neck, they are open to what is being discussed and interested in listening more. They may be waiting to state their opinion on the matter.
* Look at the location of their hands. If their hands are in their pockets, then they are more relaxed and are more likely to be attracted to you.
7. Be aware of nervous gestures:
* If someone brushes their hair back with their fingers, their thoughts about something conflict with yours. They might not voice this. If you see raised eyebrows during this time, you can be pretty sure that they disagree with you.
* If the person wears glasses, and is constantly pushing them up onto their nose again, with a slight frown, that may also indicate they disagree with what you are saying. Look to make sure they push up their glasses with an intent, not casually adjusting them. Look for pushing on the rim with two fingers, or an extra motion of wiggling the side of their glasses. The frown or raised eyebrows should tip you off.
* If they are playing or fiddling with their hair (a girl may twirl a lock of her tresses around a finger), they are feeling self-conscious and possibly uncomfortable.
* If someone is biting their lip, they are anticipating something.
* Lowered eyebrows and squinted eyes illustrate an attempt at understanding what is being said or going on. It's usually skeptical. (Or maybe they have a problem seeing things eg. short sightedness, astigmatism...)
8. Watch their feet:
* A fast tapping, shifting of weight, or movement of the foot will most often mean that the person is excited, nervous, scared, or intimidated.
* Slowly shifting weight usually means that someone is distracted, uncomfortable, or bored.
9. The eyes play a very important part:
* Dilated pupils mean that the person is interested. Keep in mind, however, that alcohol causes pupils to dilate, as does cocaine, amphetamines, MDMA and LSD. Don't mistake having a few drinks for attraction.
* Looking to the side means that the person feels guilty.
[edit] Tips
* It's easy to spot a confident person, they will make prolonged eye contact and have a strong posture.
* If people laugh excessively, it may be dishonest, or they just might be very naturally jovial, or just happy. Use your best judgment. Some people laugh out of nervousness.
* Don't isolate yourself by constantly examining body language when interacting with people. Otherwise there is no reason to gain a social upper hand anyway. This is paralysis by analysis.
* Watch the face, it will usually give off a quick involuntary and sometimes subconcious twitch when something happens that irritates, excites, or amuses them.
* Mimicking your actions means that the person is comfortable around you.
* Realize that most body language you see is obvious things, like frowning, stroking the chin, etc.
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