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Are You the Marrying Type?

I don’t remember where I heard it or when, whether it was a movie, a book or a facebook status but this quote ALWAYS stuck with me: “There are two types of women in the world. Ones who are destined for marriage and ones who are destined to help men prepare for marriage”. I whole-heartedly believe in this theory. And as disheartening as it may be to hear for some of you women, it’s the truth. I know a lot of you think that you’re destined to be alone for the rest of your life and I hope I didn’t just drive you over the edge. But take a couple minutes and read to figure out if you are truly meant to walk down the aisle, or be relegated to baby mama status…
So how do you know which category you fall into is your next question more than likely. I don’t have all the answers, but I do have some questions for you to answer that may help you decide where you fall in the holy matrimony scheme of things.

1) How Do You Feel About Sex?

Most marriages fail either from financial or sexual frustrations. And whatever the actual figure is, multiply it by 500 to get the amount of regular relationships that end from the latter. Most men are damn near sexual deviants. They want it more than you can imagine, in places that would make you want to tell their mother how nasty a boy she raised. They want someone who can fulfill ALL of their sexual desires on a CONSISTENT basis.

So ask yourself: Am I selfless with my body? Do I mind bending every angle, kissing every inch, licking anywhere to please a potential husband? Or am I unenthused, complacent and lackadaisical when it comes to performing at a high sex level?... When’s the last time you took your SCARF OFF to have sex with your man? We want to see your hair flow and going crazy. Not that cocoon on top of your head (which always smells like Pink Lusters Moisturizer, btw)! If you’re saying to yourself “shoot I aint taking my scarf off, I aint messing up my hair!” maybe marriage isn’t for you.

You can’t come off as squeamish about anything. Even if he suggests doing something you know you’ll never do, at least make him believe you’ll do it. Entertain and consider what he says, even if you think he’s joking. He’s probably being more serious than you know. There’s nothing wrong with watching a little porn with your man. Or reading up on new and exciting positions, toys or lingerie. Matter of fact GO BUY LINGERIE! Still to this day I’ve never had a woman invite me over or come to my crib with nothing but the sexy on… I’m waiting. And I’m pretty sure the woman that does it will be my soul mate.

If you’re one of those women who is still stuck on that head is for hoes thing, then just cross marriage off of your goals to accomplish list RIGHT NOW. I mean seriously, no man will marry you if you’re not giving the mouth up. They actually have classes out there to show you how and everything. Giving felatio does not make you less or a whore of a woman. If anything it makes you a real woman. Real women handle their business AND any business needed to be tended to by their man, with no shame. Every man wants a real woman.

So where do you feel like you stand when it comes to sex? Are you ready for the strenuous task of pleasing a man until he can no longer get it up? I know this may seem one sided, please don’t take it as such. It is every man’s job to please his woman as well. But we’re focusing on the ladies for now. Sex is not EVERYTHING, but it is a large something. Can you be innovative and perfectly nasty for years and years? Or are you cool with just giving it your best shot every now and again?

2) What are my issues?

Everyone has issues… yes even you. But a lot of women have problems admitting their shortcomings. They cannot turn their pride down enough to admit their faults. They have unrealistic expectations that someone is going to love everything about them and then they’ll get married and live happily ever after. It’s not that easy folks. Marriage will change you. You will have to cutback on some of who you are. If you’re overly inquisitive you’ll need to scale back the amount of questions you ask. If you bitch and complain too much you’ll need to take it down (SEVERAL notches preferably).

Like some men, some women are flat out jerks. They are self-centered egotistical assholes who have this whole epicenter mentality stitched in their brain. I understand thinking the world of yourself, but madam, nobody wants to marry a woman who acts like that. If this is your issue, you’re DOOMED to roam Earth without ever finding a husband. For years you’ll continue to tell yourself “this one aint worth your time”, “and that one aint good enough”, but truthfully it’s you. A woman with a beautiful outlook on life is easy to love. Nobody wants a bitter, self-absorbed, pompous ass woman to call the love of his life.

There are a MILLION issues women can have, so there’s no way to touch on them all. But you need to really acknowledge your issues. Really evaluate yourself and give hard criticism. List some of the things you think could possibly drive a man insane. Even if its something as simple as tapping your nails on the table when you drink, become SUPER self-aware; cognoscente of every little part of you. If you feel like you’re too special or too perfect to do it then you’ll probably never be married. Or if you do find a sucker to marry you, it won’t last. If you can’t come to grips and face reality about who you are, how do you ever expect someone else to TRULY appreciate you? It’s not possible.

Im not saying there’s anything wrong with having issues. Hell, it’s ridiculous to think that anyone doesn’t bring an issue or several hundred to the table. But you do need to be able to pinpoint your own issues before a man points them out to you. If for nothing else to get in-touch and in-tune with who YOU are. Marriage doesn’t give you an identity and it doesn’t correct whatever was plaguing you before marriage. Identify and work on you consistently. A woman destined for marriage has no qualms about that…

3) What do I bring to the table?

A union of two people is a beautiful thing. But Lord only knows how trying times are when one party in carrying the relationship. Be it financially, sexually, spiritually or whatever, if one party is giving significantly more than the other the union can only stay strong but for so long. For ages women were under the impression that a man would provide any and everything for them to be comfortable in ALL aspects of life. I am very pleased to say today’s woman is scorning this ideology.

A lot of women are living under the premise that a man isn’t going to do ANYTHING for them (which can be a good or bad thing, depending on how extreme the woman takes it. You always have to let a man be a man and provide). So they’ve been slaving to make sure that financially they are just as equal if not better off than their partner of the future. This is great and I certainly applaud you ladies for working your butts off and making sure you have enough bank to do for yourself. But money isn’t everything, I mean it’s a damn good band-aid for a problem short term, but there is so much more that a man wants, and more importantly needs. So… What else do you bring to the table?

Are you willing to apply the same type of work ethic in your personal life that you do in your line of business (or school for that matter)? It can be a daunting task to balance the two. You can’t give your ALL to two of anything, that’s common sense. So are you bringing balance, the ability to multi-task to the table? Are you a woman who provides drive and motivation to a man? One who sets his soul on fire with passion to go out and accomplish greatness, knowing that he has a woman who is willing to go above and beyond for him at home?

Do you bring the ability to listen, when he doesn’t speak? Perception… able to see the tears through his laughter? The smile through his scowl? These are things you develop with someone over the course of time, but are you even able to UNDERSTAND what these things mean to a man? Having the ability to UNDERSTAND is underrated as a key contributor to a good marriage. A woman who can understand when her man is hungry, happy, sad, horny, excited might be the sexiest thing in the world. And also have the happiest husband.

Beyond being a psychic though (lol, I know what you were thinking!) what else can you do? You can’t expect a man to carry you through all the time. Even if he is the financial stabilizer in the household, you can still do things that supersede even his financial contributions to your relationship. The breadwinner still needs his bread cooked and prepared, watched over and appreciated. Even if it’s something as minimal as moral support (gotta be a HELL of a moral supporter to get by on that though) you have to make it known and offer it in abundance.

So this was definitely on some Dr. Phil type stuff. Maybe it made a point, brought to light some things for you. Who knows? It’s my blog and I felt the need to share dammit! Marriage to me, outside of parenthood, is the most sacred thing we have left on this Earth. I think it’s in extremely poor taste and disgusting fashion that we treat it so loosely. People are forcing themselves into marriages with the sole intention of not being the last one left out in the world alone. It should mean SO much more. Both of my parents have been married twice, ALL of my aunts and uncles the same. I don’t want that for myself.
I know I haven’t covered every reason why marriage is or isn’t your calling. Truthfully, writing this article made me want to expound and possibly write a book on the matter, because there’s SO much left to touch on. In the mean time though, this was food for thought. Which do you think you are? A woman destined for marriage or a woman recycling Maid of Honor dresses…?

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Sex Em', but Don't Kiss Em'

So is kissing still alive? Is it still considered a possible precursor to sex? A lot of men and women have adapted a no kiss rule unless they are involved in serious relationships. Other than the obvious concerns about mouth sores, when did the disdain over kissing become so strong?? In high school kissing was my sh!t. I had the joint mastered and perfected to a ‘T’, I knew if I kissed her I was at least going to feel a titty. That’s just how powerful my lip game was. Now it’s like if you try to kiss someone you’ve ruined the atmosphere. Completely sucked the lust out the room.

The worst is trying to go in for the kiss and the person either jumps out the way or damn near breaks their neck trying to avoid your lips. And then there’s the awkward pause afterwards followed by the inevitable “I’m not really into the whole kissing thing” speech. Years ago when I was still out there like that, I experienced being on both ends of the spectrum. Somewhere along the way I realized that kissing was no longer THE move, I too adapted a dislike for kissing.

As the one trying to go in for the kiss I found it hard to bounce back and find my sexy once my kiss attempt was rejected. Kissing was my go to move, my best offensive weapon at one point. So if my try was shut down, I didn’t really have a back up plan. I was kinda stuck on an island because I was never too fond of kissing necks (and the ear thing kinda grossed me out too). I mean I wasn’t out there kissing any and every old jawn, but coming up that’s what I practiced on (don’t act like you never hit the back of your hand up either nigga!). I even asked a couple of older girls to kiss me and tell me how good I was or what I needed to work on. It was THAT important to me.

Then in college, probably about halfway through freshman year, I realized that I too had adopted a no kiss law. I would damn near hop out of a bed/car (this was freshman year, things could get freaky) to avoid lips. I remember me and a couple of my boys exchanging stories “Man, do you know this chick tried to KISS me?” we would say, as if she had tried to bite a hole in our throats. It seemed like in college people just got sloppy with the kissing, maybe it was due to the fact that alcohol was now in the picture, but it was just a turn off. When I felt like someone was leaning in to kiss me I’d turn my head so they got my neck only, then I’d act is if I liked it. Truthfully in my head I was wishing I could just fast forward to the part right BEFORE… you know… But I couldn’t so I had to just sit there and let my neck be lathered up with saliva. Gross.

Yea, once I got to college people just didn’t take the art as serious anymore. They’d either have WAY too much spit in their mouth or lick their lips too wet or worse, their lips would be cracked and dry. Then you had those who started trying this new freaky type of kiss where they would bite your lips. I mean I’m all for growth and development and trying something new, but the whole chomping on my lips thing just WAS NOT sexy. I faked it a couple times, acted like I liked it, but truthfully I thought it was just ass and painful. Maybe there was ONE girl who did it and I enjoyed, but other than that, negative. Also, women started applying too much damn lip-gloss. FYI ladies, MAC lip-gloss is WAY too sticky to be trying to kiss with. Like… ilk… you’re better off just getting Balmex or some sort of flavored balm. It may be nice in the club or for pictures, but if you think you’re going to end up kissing, have a backup lip gloss more conducive with lip locking than Mac.

Obviously kissing is VERY intimate, it’s extremely up close and personal. Throw in the times when you lock eyes and you have moments when you can literally see someone’s soul, face to face. For some it’s too intimate though. I asked my homegirl just like night how she felt about kissing and this is what she said: “…yea man, cant go around kissing everyone you sexin’”. I was shocked that she said it because she’s so not the whorish type at all. And it got me to thinking if even women like her aren’t down, then kissing is dead!

But the ones who like it, love it. And the ones who don’t like it, would rather be shot than participate. It just sounds crazy to me that people are perfectly fine having sex with someone, but not kissing. I don’t know if that says kissing is that disgusting or sex is that casual (probably a combo of the two). I’m still stuck somewhere in the middle on it. It has to be the right person, right time and I would have to KNOW you, and WELL. I need feedback on this one though: Kissing, yes or no? Why or why not? Comment Below.

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